Blurry Vision
By Belinda
After I wrote the post entitled Last Day on Saturday, what I experienced was shadow; doubt and darkness.
I had written in passion, faith and confidence--not in self, but in God. A friend responded with an affirming comment and I responded back, but right after doing so, I felt uneasy and started to question myself. Had I been too sure of what I wrote? Too brashly confident?
The feeling lingered over the next few days, when all sorts of "old self" responses to people popped up in my heart. I didn't feel at all like somebody who had just had a "White Funeral" and Last Day.
It was confusing and disappointing and I could not write a thing more here until Monday evening's chatty post. But I couldn't write about this. What was this, I wondered?
So I was encouraged by this morning's reading and glad to know that darkness following a vision is normal. It is the time during which the vision is being "worked in." I am happy to wait; to learn to surrender all self sufficiency, because if I thought that "I" could do this, I know for sure I can't. My disappointment was in "self," which proves that I have still been trying too hard. And I have to learn that I can and need do nothing; it has all been done.
When God gives a vision and darkness follows, wait.
Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, January 20thToday My Utmost for His Highest spoke of the time after a vision being a time of shadow--the shadow of God's hand--when all we are to do is be still and listen. I welcomed that encouragement like a long distance runner welcomes a cold drink of water.
After I wrote the post entitled Last Day on Saturday, what I experienced was shadow; doubt and darkness.
I had written in passion, faith and confidence--not in self, but in God. A friend responded with an affirming comment and I responded back, but right after doing so, I felt uneasy and started to question myself. Had I been too sure of what I wrote? Too brashly confident?
The feeling lingered over the next few days, when all sorts of "old self" responses to people popped up in my heart. I didn't feel at all like somebody who had just had a "White Funeral" and Last Day.
It was confusing and disappointing and I could not write a thing more here until Monday evening's chatty post. But I couldn't write about this. What was this, I wondered?
So I was encouraged by this morning's reading and glad to know that darkness following a vision is normal. It is the time during which the vision is being "worked in." I am happy to wait; to learn to surrender all self sufficiency, because if I thought that "I" could do this, I know for sure I can't. My disappointment was in "self," which proves that I have still been trying too hard. And I have to learn that I can and need do nothing; it has all been done.
8-9You never saw him, yet you love him. You still don't see him, yet you trust him—with laughter and singing. Because you kept on believing, you'll get what you're looking forward to: total salvation. (1 Peter 1:8-9, The Message)
Comments
Shadow, doubt and darkness - may they be to you instead a time of rest, contemplation, peace.