Showing posts from October, 2006

Steering the Titanic

Galatians 5:6 (New Living Translation) New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. 6 For when we place our faith in Christ Jesus, there is no benefit in being circumcised or being uncircumcised. What is important is faith expressing itself in love . A friend is with us for a while, the circumstances of her life having her down for the moment. I saw a documentary on T.V. a couple of years ago about people who lived in their cars in the States, and was shocked that people lived that way. These people were ordinary people who didn't want to live in their cars and wash in public washrooms, but something had happened that tipped the balance of financial viability in their lives and they found themselves out on the street with only their cars and a few belongings. It can happen to anyone, I realized--not many steps keep us on this side of security. We've lived wit


Isaiah 11:3 (New International Version) New International Version (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society 3 and he will delight in the fear of the LORD. He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes, or decide by what he hears with his ears; It had been an intense week at work, with deadlines on several projects converging simultaneously. Ironically, I'm told I always seem calm and unruffled, like a ship sailing serenely through the sea of life, but on the inside I was feeling more like a leaky row boat that required baling and rowing all at once. It was late afternoon when I left the office. I'd worked hard all day, but I relaxed as I drove out of Bradford in the safe bubble of my car, windshield wipers slapping away a gentle drizzle--radio people chatting away about the news in the rest of the world. I was startled from my peace and anticipation of getting home by the loud blast of a horn. In the rearview mirror I saw a large truck close behind m

Rain, Snow and Wind

By: Ezra Connection Job 38:22-30 (The Message) Copyright 1993, 2002 by Eugene Peterson "Have you ever traveled to where snow is made, seen the vault where hail is stockpiled… Who do you suppose carves canyons for the downpours of rain, and charts the route of thunderstorms that bring water to unvisited fields… You don't for a minute imagine these marvels of weather just happen, do you? The storm door slammed in a gust of wind, and glass lay in shards all over the floor. After it was cleaned up, the aluminum door, installed years ago to give added protection to the old Ontario farmhouse, had lost the screen and the top glass window that held it in place, plus the sliding glass section that is pulled down in winter. Later, I opened the solid wooden door, and almost gasped with the unfamiliar clarity of the view across the farm fields. Rain since Thanksgiving had brought down many of the yellowed leaves from the century-old black maples nearby, and they carpeted the green lawn. T

Nothing Can Separate

Romans 8:38-40 (New Living Translation) New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. 38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[ a ] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Those words, "Nothing can separate," came to mind this morning. I was making the bed, but preoccupied by a hurt when I thought about them--these words that are a great comfort when it comes to our relationship with God. "We are fearfully and wonderfully made," says Psalm 139, but sometimes I wonder at the capacity for complexity that God built


Song of Solomon 1:3 (New International Version) New International Version (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society 3a) Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out... When I was about seven years old, my auntie May, uncle Tommy and their children Diane and Paul, came to spend a few days with us. They were from the North East of England and spoke with an accent I have loved ever since--the "Geordie" accent of the characters in Catherine Cookson novels. They weren't really my aunt and uncle--auntie May was one of Mum's two best friends. They'd met ten years before when Mum had come from Holland to work in England after the war when they were both just out of their teens. They are friends to this day. My parents gave up their bedroom for auntie May and uncle Tommy to sleep in. I don't remember where they slept themselves. But I remember as though it were yesterday, the wonderfully feminine fragrance t

Rain and Cold

By Ezra Connection Acts 28:1-2 (New International Version)Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society Ashore on Malta 1Once safely on shore, we found out that the island was called Malta. 2The islanders showed us unusual kindness. They built a fire and welcomed us all because it was raining and cold. Following the gorgeous Canadian Thanksgiving weekend we had in Ontario, the many centimeters of rain over the next week seemed to be a constant item in conversation. Making my weekly trip on the rather luxurious commuter bus to Toronto, I took out my pocket New Testament and started to read Acts 28, noting the events following the shipwreck, when the apostle Paul had floated ashore. The dual thought in verse 2 struck me as very appropriate for the current week: “because of the present rain, and because of the cold.” However, as I mused, God led me to grasp that the rain and cold in Acts brought out an unusual response—-a response so radical that it could only have resulted

Another Gospel

Galatians 1:8 (New International Version) New International Version (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society 8But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned! It was 12:30 and a light rain was falling as I left my office for the drive north to Springwater township. Crossing the street from my office, I was balancing a heavy briefcase, empty thermos, my favourite red travel mug and a black zippered lunch bag. I flung everything across to the passenger seat of my travel worn but trusty plum Honda Civic and slid in. I called the person I was meeting in Springwater on my cell phone, to tell them I was running late but on my way, and set off, turning the car radio on as I did. I'm a CBC listener and the program Ontario Today was just starting. I listened with interest as the announcer said that the guest today was a woman who'd previously been a nun and was the author of


Psalm 27:1 (New International Version) New International Version (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society Psalm 27 Of David. 1 The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid? A few precious moments to sit in his presence before starting my day. Starting to read, my eye gets stuck on the word "stronghold." As a child, my appetite for reading resulted in learning words in context and assuming their meaning and pronunciation before hearing them spoken or explained. I've made some funny mistakes as a result and now, still a lover of words, I find myself sometimes focusing and wondering, "What does that word really mean? Is it what I think?" The word "stronghold" is mentioned often in the Bible and it seemed important this morning to open it up, to fully understand it. So there I sat, steaming, strong black coffee at hand, the clock ticking down the minute


Our worship team is singing the final song. This morning I'm in a supporting role, not leading. Through the service, the four of us who are singing, bound together by a strong bond of relationship, are experiencing a glimmer of what heaven may be like as we do something we love to do; sing with each other and lead others into a place of worship. I look down at the faces of the people in the pews. Some faces are lifted, eyes closed, worshiping God, some bowed down, just as lost in communion with him. One young girl, not even in her teens yet, in the very back row, has a hand on her heart as she sings with all of her might. I am overwhelmed with love for the people God has chosen to be my family in Christ. Although it's the last song we'd planned to sing, the pastor has left the option open for anyone who wants to, to come forward for prayer. One or two people come and pray silently to the side of the altar. As the song comes to a close, our leader closes in prayer, and I see


Yesterday I finally finished the book that Panna, the woman I met on a plane en route from England, gave me, on August 5th. The book was, "Hungry for More of Jesus," by David Wilkerson and I've been reading a bit of it each morning. What the author had to say resonated with my soul, confirmed my longings and inspired me daily. I was sorry it was over and felt as if I were a child on one of those rides in the mall where you put in a quarter (or probably a dollar these days), but all too soon the ride is over and you wish it could have kept going a bit longer. This morning I went to my bookshelf and chose, "Blue Like Jazz," by Donald Miller, to read next. Maybe because it seemed such a contrast to the last book, it drew me. I read the first words and was hopelessly captivated. It is a writer's book, full of metaphors. I am stunned by the sheer intense brilliance of the words, strung along the threads of sentences into a necklace of mesmerizing beauty. 1 Corint


Many of my friends know that I read "Daily Light on the Daily Path"--in fact many of them read it too. It's a compilation of scripture verses without additional commentary, put together into morning and evening readings, by the Bagster family, over 200 years ago. Good things last! My book goes with me everywhere and has criss-crossed the Atlantic ocean many times. The cover is worn and held together by numerous layers of Scotch tape and many of the pages have notes--some of them on every available space hi-lighting significant events that occured on a particular day or when something I read held special meaning. A couple of days ago, on October 19th there were three notes, all of them sources for gratitude: One note says that this day in 1997 was the first time two dear friends came back to church with their family after a long time away, some of it in a spiritual "desert." How I praise God for that day and all the days since then in which I've enjoyed their

Admiration/Affirmation Addiction

Philippians 2:3 (New International Version) New International Version (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. It was dark as I drove home, sipping delicious Lemon Lime Zinger tea from my favourite red travel mug. As the tart flavour woke up my tongue I pondered the amazing ability of our taste buds to clearly distinguish two separate yet similar flavours. My mind drifted to the battle I wage with an inordinate appetite for affirmation and admiration. I decided that the need for affirmation isn't quite as dysfunctional as a craving for admiration. God demonstrated affirmation toward Jesus when he said, "This is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased." We affirm one another in our gifts and our good qualities (which often we don't recognize until someone else points them out), but admiration is more tricky. I've become more aware

Labour and Tears and Blessings

By a dear friend, Claire Alexander~Ezra Connection On Tuesday our thoughts on Psalm 23:4 turned to the knowledge of Gods presence with us, even when we are walking through the valley of the shadow. I remember having someone point out that this was not the valley of death, but of the "shadow" of death, which for some reason may compound our fears even more than death itself. Sometimes fears overcome me, and I find at those times the consolation of memorized Scripture verses assures me of Gods tender care, as does the hug of a dear friend enfolding us in the arms of the Good Shepherd. The thought of this valley brought another to mind--the valley of Baca, mentioned in Psalm 84:6Who passing through the valley of Baca make it a well. Nowadays we can look up online Spurgeons Treasury of David, or what is known as R. A. Torreys Treasury of Scripture Knowledge, although it was written by several authors 200 years ago. Such helps describe another valley of trials and doubts. The inte

I Can See Clearly Now

2 Corinthians 4:4 (New Living Translation) New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. 4 Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They don’t understand this message about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God. Three Scenarios: I walked out of the opticians office with my new glasses, into a world that I suddenly saw in sharp focus. I could see every blade of grass, every leaf on a tree in unbelievable clarity. She walked into her first meeting after having had a cataract operation. Someone asked her how she was and she said, “I’ve got new eyes, it’s dazzlingly beautiful. I didn’t know what I wasn’t seeing!” We'd been on a long walk and she'd shared her belief system based on eastern mysticism. She'd spoken of her belief in reincarnati


Psalm 23:4 (New International Version) New International Version (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. I've been thinking all day about the comfort of knowing that God is with us. What could be more comforting than knowing we are not alone--ever--even if we sometimes forget that he is there. Sometimes there are painful and hard places that we wish he would rescue us from--come and take us out of. I've wished that he would parachute in sometimes and fix a situation, but usually we have to just keep going--we will get through in the end.- He does however promise that he will never leave us or forsake us; he will be with us as we go through the valley. Sometimes that's the comfort we need to share with others--the valley is real and difficult--but he is there with us. He is "the friend who sticks

Sunday Morning Soliloquy

Psalm 28:7 (New International Version) New International Version (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society 7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Through the white, wooden slatted shutters, I see trees; smoky blue on rich burnt plum, on yellow-orange. To my right, a row of subdued green weeping mulberry trees stands sentinel, following the curve of the drive--the mulberrys are always the last to "leaf" in spring and last to lose leaf in fall--latecomers and late goers like me. Birds find them accommodating, though, with juicy clusters of fruit, and friendly places to hide. It's Sunday morning and the house is still, even though it's already 9.45; but in the three floors of our house, three generations of family are experiencing their own versions of sleepy Sunday morning and are preparing for the day. "Joy comes in the morning,"

Sharing Joy

Romans 15:13 (New International Version) New International Version (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society 13May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. This week I've been reading a jubilant blog called, "Three Beautiful Things," by Clare, a young woman in the U.K. ( ) Each day she simply lists three things that bring her joy, and in the process inspires many others to notice the things in their lives that are joyous. Clare is adding to the joy in the world and I look forward to checking in each day to see what she's written. Sharing joy is a good thing; this world is in dire need of joy and good news, but even Clare's wonderful daily splash of joy can only take a person so far. There is a joy that will be there in spite of trouble and which even gives thanks for pain and hardship because growth occurs

Paintbox Day

I drove to Collingwood on Thursday morning and it looked as though God had dabbed the almost empty tree branches with a paintbrush loaded with every brilliant colour in the box. The rough textured bark of some trees I passed, was softened by green velvet moss, and golden, leaf layered forest floors lay dappled with sunlight under a giddily deep blue sky. Before heading home in late afternoon, I stopped at a fruit stand. Ontario had been surprised by snow during the day and as I stepped from my warm car into air that suddenly held winter's bite, my body tensed at the cold and I shivered, hunkering down into my coat. I left with autumn's bounty-- in my trunk a bushel of sweetly fragrant Courtland apples--and in my hand a soft green and pink, sweet ambrosia apple to munch on the journey. A big grey cloud hung in the sky, full of more snow and starting to sprinkle its contents, like a pillowcase scattering downy feathers over the landscape. Trees of dark spinach green, cadmium yell

In Celebration of "The Ordinary"

James 2:1 (New Living Translation) New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. James 2 A Warning against Prejudice 1 My dear brothers and sisters, how can you claim to have faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ if you favor some people over others? I've been thinking this week about people who have celebrity status and how I'd like to celebrate ordinary people. I think that really, every person is extra-ordinary! When we made our home in Canada in 1969, one of the things we loved about this country was the lack of class structure. We loved the freedom and acceptance we found here. To those who've never known anything else, that may be taken for granted. I love the fact that among the twelve men Jesus chose to leave in charge of his ongoing work in this world were several fishermen, a tax collector and a physician. Hardly the cardre of theologians you m

The Gift of This Day

Dear Lord, You gave me this morning, a most precious gift--a brand new day! Of all the days since my life began, no day has ever been more precious than this new day. As I stand on its threshold, it is with the awareness that were my time on earth done, no money, or any other treasure, could buy another day. At that moment, it would be too late: To add to the love in the world; to visit someone who's lonely and dispel some of that loneliness; to walk with my Lord, hear his voice and be his hand extended to the world; to tell someone who didn't know, that Jesus cares; to write a letter to a loved one far away; to feel the sun on my skin, the breeze on my face, and rejoice that I am, at this moment, privileged to be here, and that I can, in this precious day, choose to make a difference... Ecclesiastes 12:6 (New International Version) New International Version (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society 6 Remember him—before the silver cord is severed, or

Finding Comfort as a Family

By Claire Alexander~Ezra Connection Matthew 6:9 (King James Version) King James Version (KJV) Public Domain 9 After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven . . . As I opened the little British Daily Light first printed almost 200 years ago, I turned to the evening reading of Scripture, and read the opening thought of the Lord’s Prayer. The plural pronoun “Our” leaped out at me. I sensed that my praying is not in isolation. I am not alone in addressing “my” Father. “Our Father,” on the other hand, implies that a family exists. There are offspring, and they are plural in number. “We” come together in unity; we speak jointly to our beloved Father. Then my eyes caught the preceding word “ye” in the King James version—a pronoun that is also plural. Now, I remembered in French, that explaining the difference between the singular “tu” and the plural “vous” isn’t always easy, because “vous” can also be used in polite speech with a single adult. On the other hand, I reca

Someone Must Have Lifted Me in Prayer

Galatians 6:2 (New International Version) New International Version (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society 2Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. I felt your gentle touch today Lord, "Someone" must have lifted me in prayer. While all around the storm was wildly raging, I felt within my heart that You were there! Caught up with all the cares of daily living-- I'd found no time for kneeling at Your feet, But how I thank you Lord, for Your calm Presence, And for somebody who lifted me in prayer. This poem was written in 1984 at a time of intense stress. I remember driving home from work and taking the burdens of the day with me. My stomach was churning, mind racing; there seemed to be no end in sight to the workload and I felt that I was over my head and sinking fast. Then I stopped at a red light; I remember that it was 5 o'clock. A peace fell over me that was palpable. I can't explain it, bu

All That Really Matters

Jeremiah 9:23-24 (New International Version) New International Version (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society 23 This is what the LORD says: "Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, 24 but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight," declares the LORD. Our church family lost a part of its heart a couple of weeks ago. Yesterday I drove a car packed with sandwiches, squares and salad, along the seventh line from Bond Head to Tottenham under a clear blue sky and bright sun. I marveled at the beauty of the colours I passed en route to the church. The leaves that remained on the trees outdid themselves in brilliant clear yellows, lime green-yellows, golds, reds, pink-reds and browns. The trees looked like ladies that had stood in a gale force wind

A Willing Captive

By: Rev. Ronald F.T. Burston Make me a willing captive, Lord of Thee, Come inhabit my entire being. Write loyal lines of love upon my heart, And help me sing them in the dead of night To make the hills reverberate with heavenly joy, And cause the music of the Whispering breeze to call out--Jesus! O may the whole world ring out with anthem true, The brooks, the rivers, rills and lakes, bubble with exploding praise, To Thee Emanuel--"God with us"-- Hope of Eternal Glory, Come, Holy Spirit, cause all to Magnify and cry out--Jesus!

Autumn Glory

Today I saw streams of molten lava cascade down the banks lining the highway, in view of passing motorists, who looked straight ahead as if they didn't see. The live basalt torched the trees--scorching the sombre gray tongue of road with flambeaux! In late evening, driving the same road home, the coals still glowed on the banks as a lilac sky changed in seconds to a luminous raspberry that reflected the glory of the earth. I gasped in wonder at the metamorphosis. And then I stepped from my warm car into the crisp, cold air and the anti-climactic, gray dusk. But I held close the memory of glory. Psalm 65:11-13 (New Living Translation) New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. 11 You crown the year with a bountiful harvest; even the hard pathways overflow with abundance. 12 The wilderness becomes a lush pasture, and the hillsides blossom with joy. 13 The meadow

Looking Towards Heaven--Fixing Our Eyes on Jesus

Hebrews 11:13 & 16 (New Living Translation) New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. 13 All these faithful ones died without receiving what God had promised them, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed the promises of God. They agreed that they were no more than foreigners and nomads here on earth. 16But they were looking for a better place, a heavenly homeland. That is why God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a heavenly city for them. Hebrews 11, sometimes called, "The Faith Chapter," contains a long list of heroes. I used to think it was a contrast between those who had faith and received, and those who had faith but suffered martyrdom. One day I read the verses in the text above and realized that whether they died a martyr's death or not, they all had something in common-- a faith for something more than th

Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs

Isaiah 43:25 (New International Version) New International Version (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society 25 "I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more. I few years ago I heard a wonderful story about forgetfulness on the air, and wrote it down in my journal. An email had been sent in to CBC radio by a listener in response to a show about preacher's kids. The man who told the story had been a preacher's kid himself. The incident in the story took place years later when the church that he'd grown up in was celebrating a special anniversary. The man's parents were by this time living in a nursing home and they asked him if he would drive them to the church. His father was 95 years old and his mother was disabled as a result of a stroke. As they entered the church, his mother's recollection of people was dimmed until she came face to face with her old nemesis whom he referred t

Letting Go of What Isn't and Loving What Is

Philippians 4:11 (New International Version) New International Version (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. A few years ago, just after returning home to England, my mother had a stroke. It was hard to be so far away at such a time, but even harder was the terrible feeling that I had "lost" her, even though she was still with us. The long letter she wrote to me, the weekend before her stroke, was the last she wrote, as writing was very difficult for her after that. She had just mailed it when the stroke happened. Mum's speech was affected as well as her memory. Although she has made great gains since then, at the time we didn't know that would happen. I remember struggling with the feeling that I didn't know "who" she was any more. God gave me an insight that helped me through that tough time. I found myself thinking o

The Power of a Paradigm

Mark 2:6-7 (New International Version) New International Version (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society 6Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, 7"Why does this fellow talk like that? He's blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?" Paradigms, or ways of looking at the world, fascinate me because they make all the difference for good or bad. In the text, Mark 2:6-7, I see a faulty paradigm. What would have happened if the teachers of the law had asked instead, "Who but God can forgive sins? What then, does this mean?" In verse 16 of Mark 2, we see another faulty perspective:16When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the "sinners" and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: "Why does he eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?" What if they had asked instead, "This man eats with the wounded and broken-- what does this mean? Could he be t

The Church Triumphant

Matthew 26:34-35 (New International Version) New International Version (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society 34"I tell you the truth," Jesus answered, "this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times." 35But Peter declared, "Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you." And all the other disciples said the same. I’ve read the account of Jesus’ last supper many times, and if I focused on the theme of betrayal, I would have thought of the obvious candidates -- Judas, or maybe Peter. Today I noticed the small sentence that follows Peter’s declaration that he would die rather than disown Jesus: “And all the other disciples said the same.” All of the disciples declared their loyalty, but all of them scattered, as Jesus predicted they would, under pressure. Isn’t this a picture of the Church? I know it is of me personally. Loving Christ, spending time in his presence, yet sometimes getting it al

Hearing and Doing

1 Peter 4:10-11 (New International Version) New International Version (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society 10Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. 11If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. I reflected more this morning on joining in with the work the Father is doing in this world. I've found that if I step out and act after hearing his voice, he often confirms my words or actions in some way. It often feels as though he's teaching me to obey and encouraging me by saying, "That's right, you're on the right track. You heard me correctly." As a writer, sometimes I feel excited at what God has given to me to share. I can't