Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Shame - A Checklist

I don't know how Belinda does this almost every day! I am devoid of the energy to write anything meaningful tonight. But I'd like to share something interesting that I ran across today. Please note that I didn't write the following. Credit is given to the author at the end of this short excerpt. I could see myself in this list of rules -sometimes as the shame-er, and sometimes as the shame-ee. Shame is something far from God's heart and something he doesn't want us to experience in any way - either as the victim or the perpetrator. I know some of the power of shame. It can debilitate and destroy.

"Shame is a common problem in Christian homes. Feelings of shame keep us from walking in freedom and hinder us in conquering problems. The dictionary defines shame as: the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper."

The identifying factor in shame is not if you feel you have done something wrong, but the feeling that who you are is wrong. Below is a quick quiz to rate how you function in your home and to see if you are extending grace or shame to others.

8 Rules for a Shame-Based Home
1. There is a rule maker and the rule-maker is always right.

2. In the family you must always be in control.

3. Always be right and do everything right.

4. When rules one and two fail -- blame someone else.

5. Deny everyone any expression of personhood: dreams, hopes, needs, feelings. Ridicule all expression of feelings.

6. Always hide and maintain secrecy. Appearance is important.

7. Don’t ever acknowledge a mistake, don’t make yourself vulnerable.

8. Don’t trust anyone.

[from Identifying Shame, Craig Hill, Family Foundations Int., for more information go to]

1 comment:

Marilyn said...

This was very thought-provoking, Susan! We all make mistakes, but to have shame attached is something different altogether. It's good to have it revealed to us, don't you agree?