Susan sent me an email saying that she is loving reading Mum's letters with me. I had wondered if this was a wacky idea to the rest of the world but Susan's email was encouraging! Mum's letters cover her day to day life in its simplicity, but she shines through.
For me, typing out her words and sharing them here, is a far more intimate process than simple reading her letters. Through her words, her personality comes to life vividly.
This morning I caught myself thinking of this year of letters, that ended with her stroke, as the last year of her life. "This" Mum didn't die with her stroke of course, but she was lost to us to a significant degree. The just over eight years that she lived after that were years of a different version of Mum; just as precious to us and loved both for who she had been and who she was. Rob expresses the loss we experienced when he finds her notes on the backs of photos and says that he wants to remember Mum as she was when she wrote the notes, not only as she was just before she died.
This is my way of remembering and I thank you for joining me and for going with me where this takes us.
November 12, 2002
Hi! There's football on T.V. so it's perfect for my writing. I must bring you up to date about Audrey in Coronation Street. That Richard started his evil ways again after he came back from his holidays. I know it's only a film but something like that can send you around the bend.:) She had new keys made and gave a spare set to her daughter, Gail. Very handy for Richard of course. He's after her money as he's desperate, in deep trouble with the bank. Audrey made an appointment with the doctor, as she is worried about her forgetfulness and thinks it might be Alzheimer's poor soul. :) He is so devious. Anyway, I'm enclosing a bit so you can see Richard means business!
I had a call from Auntie Adrie and it's so lovely to hear how content she is now, happy within herself. I phoned Auntie Lijda as I meant to do this while you were here. Anyway, she is o.k. but Uncle Joop is not too well. He's not to drive anymore and is on tablets of course. She's very much in touch with Auntie Corrie and does a lot to help her whenever she can. Auntie Corrie told me this as well. I'm very grateful as you do need each other when growing old, more so.
John (Rob's son) called in to see us tonight for 15 minutes before going home. He had a drink of pop and had to get home at 9 o'clock. He's such a nice person and his manners are a credit to his dad, and his mum of course. We're always pleased to see him. I'm glad that bond between us is still there! I know and feel he does think the same, which makes me happy. It's like your Peter and Brenda, it's just so wonderful we've always had that bond of love, despite the distance between us! I feel so very blessed and happy inside about this. Oh, I haven't forgotten you and Paul and Robert. :) We're very, very much bonded by our love!
I won't go into details, but there's a bit of a rift between Dad and Rob again; going back in the (past) what was said etc. So I said to Dad, Why? If I would go into the past I would never speak to you again. I've buried it and I will never refer to it again. It was a different, unhappy era. We should think of today, not the past. We both went wrong and it's just a a waste of time. We haven't much time left so why not live for today and what bit of future we've left. I can reason with Robert but I've never managed this with Dad. He knows best, so where do you go from there? I haven't given up yet though. :)