Thursday, July 05, 2012

The Journey

By Belinda

When Mum died, four months ago, our pastoral department at work sent out the first of four small books. They arrive at carefully spaced out periods, and are designed to help a person process grief. This is a link to the website where the books can be ordered. .Stephen Ministries--Journeying Through Grief I will be ordering a set to keep in case someone else needs this wonderful resource; I am already passing on my own set to a friend who lost her mother just after I lost mine.

I've found that writing here about Mum has also been therapeutic, and it's been a place to capture memories and feelings.

On July 17 Paul and I will fly to England to spend two weeks with my brother Rob. When I went in March for Mum's funeral, we still had possession of her flat, and I stayed there while helping to dismantle and close up her home, a place that was filled with her special presence. Being part of the process was helpful.

Each time I've chatted with Rob since, I've asked about the person who moved into her flat. I need to know the details! His name is Rob, and he's in his early 60's, a single man. I know that he has to feel the happiness and peace in that place.

I've been thinking about arriving in Alvechurch this time. I sent our itinerary to Rob this week as he doesn't do email, and with it I sent a note saying how I would love to be able to go up to her front door and open it, then find her home as it was. I wish I could walk down her hallway and open the door to the room where I would find her sitting, waiting, and see her bright eyes shining with love as she reached up her arms to receive the hug I'd be giving. 

As we would get close to leaving for England we would chat, and if I mentioned that it was only so many weeks or days until we came, she would say with a laugh, "Oh, I mustn't think about it!" It would all be just too exciting.

It would be so wonderful to put the kettle on for a cup of tea together, knowing that all she asked for was our presence and that she was filled with joy at having that.

I need to feel the grief of the loss of these past treasured moments, even as we look forward to making new memories with Rob, and joining him upstairs in his flat.


swissdebbie said...

Hi Belinda, it will be hard and painful not to see her there and knowing someone else is in the flat...
Please thank Robert for sending H.Robert a birthday card with his birth anouncement in it, so amazing that your mum kept this al these years...and that you found it!
hugs, Deb

Susan said...

{{{ Hugs }}}

Belinda said...

Dear Deb, I sure will pass on that message to Rob. I think that H. Robert may have even called him from Holland to thank him. I was sorry not to have been organized enough to send H.R. a card for his 60th birthday. I was thinking of him that day.

Belinda said...

Susan, thanks for the hug. I'm so glad you had a chance to be in that flat, even without Mum being there, in March.

Susan said...

Mum wasn't there? That's funny... call me weird, but I sensed her presence everywhere.