Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Disengaged

Exhausted: out of every kind of energy: emotional; spiritual; physical. Downhearted, and down on "me;" I felt useless on many levels.

I felt as though I needed to draw a tight curtain around myself, and retreat--and I did. In the room where I most often spend intentional time with God, which has been a guest bedroom since August 12th, I spent an hour with God's Word, and my journal last night.

Just stopping, I realised how very tired I felt. I knew that the next thing on my agenda would be bed. By 10.30, beneath the covers, I sank into my pillow with gratitude that a whole night of sleep lay ahead. I slept for a solid 9 hours. Apparently there was a severe thunderstorm last night, but I didn't hear a thing. 36,000 Ontarians woke up without power this morning, but I got a bit of mine back. And I took a morning of vacation time to continue the restoration process.

I enjoyed our company of the last month and a half, but during that time, and the run up of preparing for their arrival, I lost my necessary rhythm of time with people and time alone and with God. Yesterday I found my self screaming in every part of my being for the latter two; craving them more than writing, or time on the Internet. More than activity and engagement, I needed to disengage.

Late on Saturday night I prepared for a big family dinner the next day (see Time Flies). Although the rest of our family had long gone to bed, and the house had settled into the creaky sounds of night time, I noticed that I was not alone in the kitchen. A  large Daddy-Long-Legs hovered precariously over the sink filled with water and the peels of potatoes I was almost finished peeling. I willed him away, but he seemed determined to live dangerously, and he landed on the inside of the sink, just inches above the waterline...and began sliding backwards towards the water. I  pulled the plug quickly, but the water seeped too slowly through the peels and  he landed in it. After a brief struggle, his wings became waterlogged and he stopped moving; legs akimbo; wings wonky; looking like a miniature downed wartime aircraft on top of the pile of peels.

I was almost sure he was dead, but I couldn't bring myself to scoop up the delicate creature with the potato peels, so after gingerly peeling the final few potatoes, I left the sink as it was and went to bed. To my happy surprise, in the morning, just the sink of dried potato peels remained!

Last night I felt just like that downed Daddy-Long-Legs. A loving Father has dried my wings and restored strength to my legs. And I can fly again!

10 comments:

Marilyn said...

"36,000 Ontarians woke up without power this morning, but I got a bit of mine back." :-)

I have definitely felt the way you describe. Out-of-my-routine and out-of-sync, albeit all for a good cause. Thanks for the reminder of the need to pull away and how God will restore and does.

Dave Hingsburger said...

Right now I'm feeling very much disconnected from my spirit and my prayer life. Travel and frustrations of travel take my focus from where it needs to be ... good habits die more easily than bad ones ... in my case. I'm going to spend time tonight refreshing my relationship with God.

Dave Hingsburger said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Belinda said...

Dear Friends, Marilyn and Dave, How good it is to encourage one another, even in our own weakness.

Here's to pressing in to the One who loves us so much; who longs to fluff up our wings and set us to flight again, and who never will throw us out with the potato peels! :)

Susan said...

Back in Canada today and catching up on WHS. I'm reading and responding on a Blackberry while sitting in front of a glowing bed of coals, under a harvest moon, surrounded by soughing trees and the comforting distant roar of a river rushing over rocks, engaged in my own brand of disengaging. Visited a most incredibly beautiful series of cathedrals today, one after another in rapid succession, wherein Ron and I (and perhaps Henri!) were the only worshippers.

Do I have to come back? :)

Loved this post, of course... Right on!

Belinda said...

Susan, I am so glad you are so completely and utterly disengaged. I loved the picture you painted--so peaceful and restful. Oh, if you bump into Henri again, say hello from me! :)

Susan said...

Already did. He sends his kindest and most heartfelt regards. :)

Susan said...

Already did. He sends his kindest and most heartfelt regards. :)

Angcat said...

I'm right there with you Belinda, too much other stuff and depleted of strength. My girlfriend and I just talked about needing some "face time" with God (on my face). Only He can restore...

My only question is...if the spider isn't in the sink anymore, then where is he?

:-)

Belinda said...

Ang, the whereabouts of the Daddy-Long-Legs remains a mystery. I'm hoping no predatory insect came along and swallowed him because that would spoil my analogy!