Susan sent me a comment and I wanted to share it, to flesh out the discussion. Thanks for the added thoughts Susan!
Ephesians 5:21 (New International Version)
21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
This is great wisdom and something that is not understood by most Christians, never mind the rest of the world.
The preceding verse to the one you quoted is key for me. It says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ". Then Paul goes on to talk about submitting in the marriage relationship specifically. As you well know, I am not a theologian or a student in New Testament Greek, but what has come to make sense to me is that Paul is telling us always to be prayerfully willing to submit to each other. But in the marriage situation, when we are submitting, or deciding to submit, wives should keep these things in mind (respecting her husband) and husbands keep these things in mind (loving his wife).
I think it is the right thing to do for a husband to submit to his wife and to her leadership gift sometimes too, when he recognizes God is speaking through her.
If each person is ready to submit to each other out of reverence for Christ and the wife is remembering to respect her husband and his gift of leadership while the husband is remembering to love his wife as Christ loves the Church, well, that is the best possible relationship on this earth as far as I can see.