Tuesday, October 16, 2007

A Less Than Noble Moment

On my first Sunday in England I had a moment that I am sorry for. My brother had just given me a set of keys to his and Mum's flats, to use while I am in England. Shortly afterwards, as I was about to go for a walk, I remembered the keys and came back to get them. Robert said, "You can leave them here if you like, so that they don't get lost, and use the keypad outside."

I know that my voice expressed my frustration as I said, "What are keys for if not to let you in?" I'm ashamed to say that I was angry. My optimism and confidence had bumped up against my brother's extreme caution and carefulness. I felt as if he didn't trust me not to lose a set of keys.

As I walked, I fumed and prayed--an odd combination, but a good one. By the time I got home I was over my silly snit. The keys were Robert's, he had a right to express his preference and I would respect his wishes and use the keys only when going out with them safely in my purse.

That night as Robert was leaving for his own flat, I tried to call after him and apologize. I don't hide my feelings as well as I once kidded myself that I do and it had been obvious I was annoyed. Robert didn't hear me then, but the next morning I said that I was sorry.

"For being horrible?" Robert said helpfully.

And I said, "Yes."

"My insecurities came with the keys," said Robert, and he explained how a set had been lost and fallen into the wrong hands.

I felt even sorrier for my reaction. Robert is careful, methodical, a perfectionist, and set in his ways, but I am quick to anger and impatient. Of the two of us, I came off much the worse! I am praying for God's help in adapting to his preferences and ways. I want to honour and bless him in my time here.

Dear Lord, please forgive me for my insensitivity, anger and rudeness.

1 John 1:8-10 N.I.V.
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.


Dave Hingsburger said...

Oh, do I get this post, it's amazing how families can bring out the best and the worst in us. Something that, if a friend did would not be noticied - or laughed off, when done by family drives us crazy. Family, God's ultimate joke!

LoveMyStarr said...

Oh, this one hits close to home. Thank you for sharing.

Belinda said...

Oh dear friends--if only you knew how tempted I was to delete this post before it became public! But I'm glad I didn't.

I'm glad for friends who love the whole person--complete with the "nasties!" :)

Anonymous said...

Sarah says - Belinda, we are all human and the pride in us sometimes does not want us to say like it is, praise God you are able to speak the truth and shame the devil. At least you are allowing God to work on that for yourself. To God be the glory.