Nobody Tells You
By Belinda
Nobody tells you that when you lose someone you love, you don't just lose them.
Everything in the complex network of relationship around the space that held the person, shifts. You lose the way the missing person affected the interplay of those relationships too.
Five months since Mum died, and I am just realizing that she was the glue that held some relationships together; the mortar between the bricks; the sun around which our planets circled!
Without her we flounder a little, trying to find our feet on this unfamiliar terrain. So much of our relationship and conversation was about her.
We need to redefine our relationship now; find new common ground...without her.
What we have in common is tainted by pain, though each differently affected. There must be more.
We will find our way and find one another in a new way. We love each other. We just don't know quite how to be yet; now that she's gone.
Nobody tells you that when you lose someone you love, you don't just lose them.
Everything in the complex network of relationship around the space that held the person, shifts. You lose the way the missing person affected the interplay of those relationships too.
Five months since Mum died, and I am just realizing that she was the glue that held some relationships together; the mortar between the bricks; the sun around which our planets circled!
Without her we flounder a little, trying to find our feet on this unfamiliar terrain. So much of our relationship and conversation was about her.
We need to redefine our relationship now; find new common ground...without her.
What we have in common is tainted by pain, though each differently affected. There must be more.
We will find our way and find one another in a new way. We love each other. We just don't know quite how to be yet; now that she's gone.
Comments
But you just have. It's a significant part of the course, at least. I've never heard this articulated by anyone else, and yet I've experienced it. Some relationships grow deeper and stronger, others fade. Such is the shimmering fabric of life...
It's comforting and affirming somehow to know I'm not the only one. {{hugs}}
Oh, I'm in danger of thinking about this all day long and never getting to anything else.....but it will be a worthwhile think.
For years, a sibling and I co-labored to insure Mom's safety and care. Then Ma was gone and now what was the link between us? I mean, yes were were still sibs but it takes a while to regain footing, to start again to enjoy some other aspects of the sibling relationship.
It's complicated and yet simple.
Nobody tells you. And now you have told us. A writer's job is so often helping others see what they are experiencing. Wonderful.
Yet as time as passed I realized they have forgotten to mention that the level of the water is lower because of the removal of the rock. It may be calm on the surface, but it will never be the same.
I'm sure the next step is to be thankful - thankful that we had the experience of life at the level we did...but it is hard.
Thank God we don't walk it alone.
Thank you for letting me know that you are out there, sharing the journey.
Our pastoral team at work has been sending me books from a really good series of books at intervals, called, "Journeying Through Grief." They are available over the web too, from Stephen Ministries, whose mission is to walk with people through grief.
I will keep you in prayer.
I have been online and ordered those books and several others. Know I really should find a church community again but hard to make new connections when I am focused so inwardly just now. Have Christian friends and know I have their support.
The only "should" in grieving is that there should be no "should"s. :) Grieving consumes vast energy, and if right now, you are inwardly focused, I know that the time will come when you feel ready to open up to the world around you again. There will be a place waiting for you when you are ready.
The books will be a blessing. God bless you and may you feel close to his heart.
Jane
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