Monday, September 10, 2012

Hearts Across the Water

By Belinda

My friend Dave asked me on Saturday, "So how is your brother?"

"Well, we haven't talked for a while," I said.

It sounded and felt strange to say that. Our weekly Saturday morning phone calls have been sacrosanct for some nine years after all. 


But I wrote here in early August about how the the loss of someone sometimes means other losses,  or at least the need to redefine other relationships. And that is what we have been doing, my brother and I; finding a new way to be with, and to, one another.

I called him a few weeks ago and panicked when I couldn't reach him. So silly! I sent a frantic message through Face Book, to my nephew and his girlfriend, seeking reassurance that he was okay. He surfaced safely, a little bemused at my worry, having been with an old neighbour, keeping her company, out on a bench in "the close!"

We decided that we didn't have to stick to 10 o'clock on Saturdays anymore, that had been "Mum's routine." The next time we spoke we struggled a little for things to say, and then I became crazy busy for a few weeks, but it was okay. I knew that he wouldn't be waiting at 10 on Saturdays...

Dave's question prodded my heart though, and I made up my mind to call him on Sunday in spite of the fact that there would be a house full of family around the table for lunch after church.

I got up late having been up until the wee hours preparing the meal for Sunday, and left early for worship practice. When I came home though, Paul, who had left after me for church, said, "Did I tell you? Rob called after you left this morning."

Later that day, after the last of the 11dearly loved  family members and the two young friends who had tagged along, left, I picked up the phone and called.

As he answered, there was a bark in the background from my favourite dog in all of England, Bruce. They were just in from their evening walk. 

Apparantly Bruce the fierce is going through one of his fearful phases. He does that for several days after being frightened by a loud noise and Rob said that he was trembling still and seeking the safety of his little bed in the closet where he sleeps. Poor Bruce. He came from a farm and we don't know all that befell him before God sent him to Rob. I made Rob promise to give him a kiss from me.

I heard sad news about Shirley's little dog. Shirley and Derek are friends of Rob's in the close, and their ten year old border collie adored Rob. They always laughed at the fact that she threw herself at him! :) But they noticed that she seemed a little off colour and tests at the vet revealed a large and inoperable growth. They made the painful decision to have her life end before she began to suffer.

They have already adopted a rescue dog from the Dogs Trust, another border collie, but very shy and fearful, obviously an abused dog, which is beyond my ability to understand! He is warming to 
Rob though, and I am so hoping that they will keep him.

We caught up on all sorts of things concerning our kids, our diets, and our friends, and without even saying so...we were building our path forward.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh Belinda - when you made that comment a while back about redefining relationships - I admit I immediately thought of your brother. Only because of the binding love of a mother, once removed, tends to send folks spinning off - like children's tops.

I've experience similar with my siblings after a parent's death. It's not usually a "bad" thing - just not clear and defined. There are new paths, new subjects and one less common thing to connect over.

I am sure you will find other connections - and you will always have your memories to bring out and share together.

(Felt bad about Bruce too. Having rescued an abused dog ourselves - there are things you can never understand. It defys logic after, for us, 13 years - with no abuse and tons of love - that our sweet girl still cringes and winces at the sight of a belt. How can anyone be so cruel to have such a lasting effect.)

The Light of the World will surely light the way on your new path. Blessings.

Belinda said...

Dear Anon, Your comment felt like a loving hug. Thank you for your understanding and commiseration! :)

Dave Hingsburger said...

What a wonderful blog, thanks for being honest about the journey.

Belinda said...

Dave, it feels good to share the journey here. Thanks for being here! :)