Friday, April 27, 2012

Missing Her

By Belinda

It took me by surprise. I was on Facebook, checking out my nephew John's page to see what was up in his life; laughing at the photo of him in the kitchen chopping carrots and thinking of when I was last with him there for a delicious meal. I scrolled through more photos and suddenly she was there...only she isn't any more...

Seeing her made me catch my breath, like bumping into someone unexpectedly. Knowing that she isn't here...I miss her.

Last week when I talked to Rob, he was missing her too. The reality that she is gone is hitting and so is grief. I knew it would in its own time.

I'm still so very grateful, for all that she was to us, for God's tender care of her in her dying. But oh, there is an empty seat, an empty flat, and arms that long to hug her one more time.


Anonymous said...

It is such a rough journey - grief. Yes - we know your mom is in glory - but it is hard slogging for us left with the hole in our heart. I remember people telling me "it will get better", or "it will get easier". I wanted to smack them. Please don't downplay my sorrow at this point.

Yes - it did get "better" - in that the screaming of loss dulled to a whisper over time. But - I don't think it every really goes away - just changes.

I heard once that the greater the love, the greater the loss. I have found that true. One less person that knew you, one less person that loved you, one less person to pray for you - great, great loss.

May the Holy Spirit comfort you and fill the hole ever so gently with all the loving and light memories.

Oh - and don't let anyone tell you how to mourn - everyone has their own way and their own time.


Dave Hingsburger said...

Everything I can think to say sounds either trite or shallow. So I won't do anything more than give you presence.

Belinda said...

Thank you Anonymous and Dave. The words of one who understands and one who is "here," are both comforts.

Anonymous I truly agree that the price of loving much is the much depth of loss, but oh, I wouldn't trade the loving, and being loved, for the world. I send my own love to you for your loss--and a big hug.

Anonymous said...

Belinda, I spoke with someone earlier in the week and her comment was, "People say that time heals." She quickly went on to say, "Time does not heal, it only removes you further from the incident." The journey indeed does take your breath away at times.


Marilyn said...

Yes....I remember the first time, after Mom died, that I heard a bit of news and thought, "Oh wait until Mom hears this" and then it hit me. The inevitable moment finally hit. I knew it would. I was glad for it, the first of many.
Oh, I so get this. Thinking of you. Grief runs its own course according to its own timetable. All we can do is ride along with it. I treasure my grief journeys, the places they take me.

Susan said...

Today at the cottage, surrounded by the six young women who are "my" girls, I said wistfully, "I miss my mom. I wish could have been here. She would love you all soooo much."

And one of them (who was 12 when her grandma passed away)said, "I miss her too. Still."

And that was almost 25 years ago now.

Some spaces that are left are just too big to ever be filled... {{{Hugs}}}

Belinda said...

Marilyn, I still remember the clock you wrote about. I think you didn't change it when the time changed, because it was running on the time it was on when she died. I think I got that right (but at my age, I get many things wrong!--okay I should have stuck to--I remember you wrote about a clock and your Mom, and it touched me then. :))

Belinda said...

Yes, Susan, that is so true, that some spaces are never,ever filled. And isn't that a sweetly, sadly, wonderful thing too? The remembering and loving still.