It only seems to be during times of falling, that I know the deep truth of God's greatness.
When I am strong, self confident and rising above circumstances, I start to slip. Self confidence leads to self righteousness, which leads to a decline in the amount of time I spend relying, until I stumble, tumble, and after a suitable amount of time applied to self hatred, I awaken to the marvelous realization that God Himself has let me fall flat on my virtual face.
The rut is the safety of self, the sitting down in routines of serving me and even calling it living for Him, justifying it with wise words, yet the heart knows the rut and warnings ring to waken slipping self.
The post fall state though is one of surprise. Peace is here. Wisdom says so gently "Self reliance is a deep rut, where He is not. You have fallen though, and here is grace." And so I'm swept up again, surprised by the unexpected.
It's in these moments that I'm gentled too. Critical heart is silenced in the face of His mercy. Who is self to judge and berate another after this Gift.
Softness invades, quietens, makes new.
Dear Savior Jesus,
What can I say? Words do not do justice to your gift of mercy and grace. It's only when I'm utterly helpless and disgusted with who I am, that I realize Who You are, and how foolish I ever am to think that I can do anything on my own.
You are the "I Am" and I feel so thankful just to sit quietly close to You, restored.