Whatever He Says

By Belinda Aging: It is when all those things you secretly laughed at in other people who were stereo-typically "older"--things you adamantly said you would never do; appendages or accessories you thought that you would never wear --aging is when those very things suddenly become part of YOUR identity.  The last year has been one of recovering my vision. This time last year I was literally half blind. One eye went through a rapid decline in vision and I needed to get my eyes tested. But I put it off (because I am a procrastinator) until I began to worry that something was seriously wrong. While at a doctor's appointment for a physical, I asked him to take a look at my right eye.  "Oh, yes, you have a cataract," he said, as though confirming something I should know.  "Me? I'm too young for a cataract," I thought but didn't say.  I mean I had only just the year before, lost all semblance of mystique in the bedroom by adding a C-PAP mac...

By Belinda It took me by surprise. I was on Facebook, checking out my nephew John's page to see what was up in his life; laughing at the photo of him in the kitchen chopping carrots and thinking of when I was last with him there for a delicious meal. I scrolled through more photos and suddenly she was there...only she isn't any more... Seeing her  made me catch my breath, like bumping into someone unexpectedly. K nowing that she isn't here...I miss her. Last week when I talked to Rob, he was missing her too. The reality that she is gone is hitting and so is grief. I knew it would in its own time. I'm still so very grateful, for all that she was to us, for God's tender care of her in her dying. But oh, there is an empty seat, an empty flat, and arms that long to hug her one more time.

By Belinda This afternoon we got together for our inaugural meeting, we four struggling with anger. I had Kerri Jean's updated version of tips for dealing with anger as a discussion resource.  I knew that what I had to share today was a work in process, and that there is a lot of excellent material out there that is more sophisticated; I just didn't have it at my fingertips. But the most important thing today was not anything written on paper; it was the readiness of our hearts to engage in learning peace; a worthy topic, guaranteed to keep us together with lots to do for a while to come.  We started first with prayer. It seemed like a very good idea to us all to invite God into the group with us. Then we batted around thoughts on what to call ourselves. "Anger Management Group," proffered one person. Another started singing, "I've got peace like a river." "That's a song," said someone else, "We're looking for a name....

By Belinda My colleague, Kerri Jean Winterler, put some thought into making the words of Peace 101, simpler yet! . Our little anger support group is meeting this afternoon. We are excited about learning better ways to deal with anger together. God uses all things redemptively, doesn't he? Thank you Kerri Jean, (and here is her version:) When people disagree and one is angry, talking will make the anger bigger. The angry person may say things that make you mad. Now two people are mad. If you explain or defend yourself, your anger will increase/get worse.  When you do this, you are trying to control the other person.  When both of you are arguing, you are trying to control each other. You want the other person to feel or think the same way as you or do what you want. When we are yelled at, or blamed, we try to explain ourselves. By doing this, we are trying to make the other person agree with us.  When we talk back to someone who is angry, it only ...

By Belinda The other day, when I was talking to my friends from upstairs at work, about better ways to deal with anger, I grabbed my well worn copy of  Diffusing Anger and Avoiding Feeding the Flames   by Margaret Paul, Ph.D., and told them how it helped me. "Read it to me," they each said, and I did, paraphrasing to make it easier to understand for people with developmental disabilities, trying to put it in plain language.  When one man said that some of the words were still too difficult, I promised him that I would try to write the main points in simple words for him--and me. I'm going to have a shot at it here. When people disagree and one is angry, saying ANYTHING will  feed the anger and make it grow. The angry person may say things that make you mad. Now two people are mad. Your own anger grows as you defend yourself and try to control the other person. Both of you are now trying to control the other person's behaviour, feelings or views. When we are ...

By Belinda Psalm 4:4 Amplified Bible (AMP) 4 Be angry [or stand in awe] and sin not; commune with your own hearts upon your beds and be silent (sorry for the things you say in your hearts). Selah [pause, and calmly think of that] ! ( A ) This verse, especially the Amplified Bible version; gives good food for thought. If only I did more of the "pausing" and "calmly thinking," recommended here! A quote by Steven Covey, was mentioned in a training I took recently and it has stuck in my mind. It gives me so much hope in my own struggles and for those of others. “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In those choices lie our growth and our happiness.”  ― Steven Covey I've been trying recently to work through an issue and get my heart into right order--even trying to figure out what "right order is" in the situation. Meanwhile, a couple of the people who live in the...

God is not looking for those who are clever, but for those in whom he can be wise; He is not looking for those who are talented, but for those to whom He can be all sufficient; He is not looking for those who are powerful, but for those through whom He can be almighty