Monday, April 25, 2011

The Hilarity of Growing Older

There are things about growing older that are just plain fun. There is the phenomenon known as "loss of nouns," for instance. I'm all over that. Or maybe it would be more apt to say, "It's all over me!" 

I was reassured that it isn't just people getting older who have this problem when one of my small grandchildren asked me at church recently, before coming over to our house, "Omie do you have any of those round white things?" 

"Round white things? Do you mean Grandad's Scotch mints?"

"No, they're sugary," his eyes were "seeing them" as he talked. They looked far away and dreamy. 

"And they melt on your tongue when you put them in your mouth," he continued.

All I could think of was those small pastel coloured rice paper flying saucer things filled with sherbet that I used to buy at the sweet shop in England when I was a child. I don't remember what they are called either! But I knew they weren't what he was trying to describe.

In the end, after racking my brains and several unsuccessful guesses, I shouted, "Oh, oh, oh! You mean meringues--Yes, I have some!"

And he nodded happily. He is addicted to those things--those little round white sugary baked egg white nests. 

Consider how much fun it was landing on the answer and how boring it would have been had he simply asked if I had any meringues in stock.  Our conversation would have been so short. 

"Yes," or "No," or, "I will have to get some," would have been choice of my replies. Instead we had our very own quiz show.

It was embarrassing though, when I gave my camera to someone to take a photo of Paul and me on vacation. I don't use the LCD screen for taking photos, but as my helpful volunteer tried to figure why it wasn't on, I stammered, "Just look through the, the--um--eye hole!" "Viewfinder" had taken wings and flown from my mind. 

My friend Dave, when he sent me yesterday's blog post, called it an, "Easter Thingy." I knew just what he meant. 

When I was young I used to think, "I'm never going to be one of those old people that take out their dentures  at night and put them in a glass."

Well, I'm not. We have better dental care nowadays and most people keep their teeth into old age. But there are other things!

Paul and I were getting ready to turn out the lights the other night. I use a C-Pap machine at night to counteract sleep apnea. I put it on once the lights are out because I am still embarrassed by looking like a cross between a human and an elephant. The thing you need to know is that once you've got that thing on you can't talk. The model I have has little pods that go in the nostrils. Air blows in through them. If you open your mouth, the air blows out like a gale force wind. 

Paul, on the other hand has taken to wearing ear plugs. He has very sensitive hearing and even though I no longer keep him awake by stopping breathing and gasping for air, the sound of the machine and occasional air leaking, is enough to drive him to distraction. 

So it is best if we say our goodnight's before plugging in or hooking up. The other night Paul broke this rule and said something affectionate to me in the dark once I had my contraption on. I opened my mouth to try in vain to speak through the blasting air.

And he shouted, "Eh?" 

I collapsed into giggles at the hopelessness of communicating at all.

And now I'm just waiting until someone introduces themselves to me and says, "Hi, I'm ---"

And I say, "Oh, pleased to meet you--And I am?" :)

Then I can laugh and say, "Just testing!"

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