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Looking Backward and Forward

Fridays with Susan 

Do you remember my writing back in September about an encounter with God on a beach in Wilderness State Park in Michigan?  I remember that night as though it was yesterday.  I got up at 2:30 a.m. because I felt too wretched to be lying in bed still any longer.  I made my way down to the beach in the dark and all alone, something I would never, ever ordinarily do.  But whatever could happen to me down there in the dark couldn't have been worse than the darkness I was feeling in my soul that night.  I remember writing about falling completely apart at God's feet and though I didn't see him coming toward me walking on the waves, or hear his voice as a whisper on the wind, I knew, knew, knew something had happened.  As I got back into bed I wiped hot tears off my face and thought they might be melting icebergs.

Well here I sit just three months later.  It's been long enough now to be able to say definitively that something did indeed change.  I still can't say what exactly, but I know that my attitude has changed.  And the attitude of people around me has changed too.  I can only attribute it to God's loving intervention in the life of one of his kids who was driven to cry out in absolute desperation to him.

Three months ago I had big issues with my attitude.  I couldn't change it.  I had no power to change it.  But now it seems so easy in comparison to keep positive, to stay grateful.

Grateful is the word, all right.

This New Year's Eve day, I am thinking about the future.  Not just thinking but planning, yes, even dreaming a little.  I'm actually looking at changing some behaviour in order to get to some goals I think God has dropped into in mind and heart.  I'm looking forward, something I wasn't able to do three months ago, but I'm also looking back.  Looking back and feeling very grateful that this last year is over, for one thing, but I'm even more grateful looking at the work God has accomplished in this hard, frozen over heart.  It took quite a bit of maneuvering for him to get me to a place where I was desperate enough to move over and let him take the reins (and the reign!) in a greater way than ever before.  And I can say unequivocally on this last day of this old year that God has proven himself once again- in my life at least - that he is faithful and true.


Marilyn said…
Thanks for the continuing peeks as you journey on and through the path laid out for you. Also, the testimony that He is indeed faithful and true. Amen to that. A blessed 2011 to you, Susan.
Janet Sketchley said…
Susan, He is faithful and true, and He will bless and sustain you in 2011.

Remember Belinda's post from earlier in the week, and don't give back any of this ground He has taken for you...

Hugs and happy new year!

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