Saturday, October 24, 2009

Change of Season - Change of Pace

by Meg

I returned to Ontario to the signs of late fall and approaching winter. I got my snow tires put on and speculated about the days to come. I don't mind the rain, and the cozy feeling inside the house. It is home. All the time we were away in British Columbia I dreamed of home, our house by the river, our quieter pace. The hustle and bustle of so many places out there was a lot to contend with; I noticed how much it affected our friends. There were precious quiet moments - a walk on the beach, or by a rushing stream with salmon leaping and spawning. And most of our friends have quiet hearts in the midst of hectic lives. As I have, or seek to have.

Yet the addictive tendency to busyness is inside of me despite my quiet home and town. My whirling brain often doesn't allow me to settle at night. My plans for the future collide with each other as each day's demands compete. Reality checks come in various ways.

Such was what happened last week when I wasn't able to post on Saturday. I had been praying about whether or not I should continue to write my posts. Not because I don't love writing. And not because they take a lot of time to write. But they occupy brain space during the week: mulling over what would be relevant to say, wondering about what is really appropriate to share from my own life's experiences, past and present. By the time Friday evening came I had been planning to write and knew basically what I wanted to say. I had had internet access all week at moments in the places we were staying. Friday night's venue had been fine for that before. Then I discovered Thursday night that there was a new password for it. I got that Friday morning and got on fine - I fully expected to be able to get on later when we came home tired from our long day of driving and visiting.

For several hours I battled the system gaining an inch and losing it again, slipping in and out of access to the browser but never getting into this site. What was God saying? Eventually I had to let go, let the dreaded thing happen - I would not be able to fulfill my commitment to a Saturday morning post. By the time I got access in a restaurant mid morning B.C. time on Saturday Belinda had already posted on my behalf.

My reflection upon it all reached the conclusion that I really need that bit of brain space for my main focus. That I need to give up this opportunity to have more available energy and thought for the major plans God is calling me to. I realized, sadly, that it is time to say goodbye for now.

I told Belinda that when my life coaching business website is up and running, sometime in the new year, that I will have a blog on that, an opportunity to reflect in a way that has a devotional flavour and yet fits with the world of Christian life coaching, that world of purpose and passion, focus and faith. I asked if I might have a link to that blog on this site and she said that would be great.

A few days after that decision I saw the leaping, spawning, dying salmon. It was an amazing sight, so unexpected on that last day of our busy "holiday". I have pondered upon it as another sign...these salmon live out their life cycle and make some final courageous leaps upstream before they spawn their eggs and then die. It is as if my decision not to write these posts anymore is like those dying salmon...I have been swimming upstream for a long time, I have made some major leaps to bring about a new phase of my life, I have already deposited my spawn, sown my seeds, laid my eggs for this new season of my life. But if I am to go forward into it, I need to let that old part of me die, as the new part is being prepared for birth, in a new form.

So here I am. I am moving into a new season, changing my pace. I am letting go and moving on. It is bittersweet. This has been a precious time in my life. Writing these posts has been healing and strengthening. Getting feedback on how they have touched others has been affirming and deeply encouraging. But that is not enough to keep me in this "space". I have to embrace new things and to do that I have to let go of some former things. Thank you, dear readers, for sharing this space with me - for reading and commenting, for inviting me into your lives through your time and focus. May the Lord continue to bless us all as we trust Him for future days and ways. Bye for now.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Meg,
I don't know you, but I appreciate your courage in obeying and am inspired by it - and I know you will be blessed for and in it.

Belinda said...

Dear Meg,
I've said this to you personally, but want to say it publicly--I have so much appreciated your writing and partnership here at Whatever He Says.

It has been a joy to read your posts and get to know you and your family through them.

I totally bless you on your journey now, with gratefulness for the many hours you have poured into writing here over the span of well over a year.

Thank you, thank you, and God bless you richly in your next adventure!

Meg said...

Well, I've said it publicly and privately to you Belinda, that it has been a joy and privilege to partner with you on this blog. It has been life changing, building my confidence as a writer, a Christian, an apologist for my faith, and as a human. Writing on my own blog led me to this opportunity, through meeting you. And it has also taught me that writing needs always to be in context, with a sense of whom we're writing for. Working with you and your team brought that for me, along with those who wrote comments on the blot or by email. All of that has enriched my life so much. I didn't expect to stop at this point, but it really does seem to be a form of obedience. I have great peace in my decision, and that is what matters. I shall enjoy keeping the connection with you and the team as the Lord provides. Many blessings to you and them, and many, many thanks.

Marilyn said...

Meg,

I've enjoyed so many of your posts, and especially going on your recent journey with you, but when a clear step is shown, taking it is the thing to do!

Your writing here has not been in vain and God will be building on it, for His purposes. This I say with complete confidence! It's very exciting, to step out where He is obviously pointing. God bless you!

Joanna Mallory said...

Meg, thank you for your obedience to share what God gave you each week for Whatever He Says, and although we'll miss your posts, what else can one do but trust and obey His leading? Go in peace to love and serve Him as He leads. He has blessed us through you, and has plans to continue blessing others through you.

Susan said...

Godspeed Meg. May you enjoy the fruits of obedience and a deep sense of adventure as you walk on with God! Until our paths cross again...