Whatever He Says

On Wednesday morning in Mish, I wrote in my journal: August the 6th, Wednesday--what we laughingly call "hump day" at work (the day you reach the "hump" or the middle of the week--and once over it, everything is running downhill towards a resting time!) By the end of that day though, I was just so tired, it  may have been "hump day" but it felt like I was stuck on the hump. I had been up with the dawn after maybe 5 hours sleep, in order to have some precious solitude. We had a full day of our regular activities, then the community bbq and the dance. It was about 10.30 when the dance ended. The dark parking lot was full of people leaving the community centre. Our weary team packed up our coolers; the food that was left; the pots; bbq and the cotton candy machine and set about getting the equipment and the 9 of us that had been at the dance, back to the school. My little Honda Fit was more than a little worn with wear. It was covered in the sand tha...

By Belinda It was just over a week since the last meeting of the Anger Management-Peace Like a River Group . The  stormy weather  upstairs, that led to the founding of the group seemed much more settled.  One of the group members asked yesterday morning, when were we going to meet again, and if the book  (recommended by our friend Dave)  had arrived yet. I said it hadn't, but I was sure it would be here soon and we'd meet then.  But as I moved something in the piles around my desk yesterday; as if it were meant to be; from somewhere they had been hiding unseen for several months, and so long that I had forgotten them, I found pages from a training, that happened to be about extreme behaviour.  The pages were an Anger Diary and Inventory--perfect tools to spark a discussion at more than one session.  So this morning as soon as I arrived at work, I went upstairs, knocked on the door, interrupting a fine breakfast of French toast; with an inv...

By Belinda This afternoon we got together for our inaugural meeting, we four struggling with anger. I had Kerri Jean's updated version of tips for dealing with anger as a discussion resource.  I knew that what I had to share today was a work in process, and that there is a lot of excellent material out there that is more sophisticated; I just didn't have it at my fingertips. But the most important thing today was not anything written on paper; it was the readiness of our hearts to engage in learning peace; a worthy topic, guaranteed to keep us together with lots to do for a while to come.  We started first with prayer. It seemed like a very good idea to us all to invite God into the group with us. Then we batted around thoughts on what to call ourselves. "Anger Management Group," proffered one person. Another started singing, "I've got peace like a river." "That's a song," said someone else, "We're looking for a name....

By Belinda My colleague, Kerri Jean Winterler, put some thought into making the words of Peace 101, simpler yet! . Our little anger support group is meeting this afternoon. We are excited about learning better ways to deal with anger together. God uses all things redemptively, doesn't he? Thank you Kerri Jean, (and here is her version:) When people disagree and one is angry, talking will make the anger bigger. The angry person may say things that make you mad. Now two people are mad. If you explain or defend yourself, your anger will increase/get worse.  When you do this, you are trying to control the other person.  When both of you are arguing, you are trying to control each other. You want the other person to feel or think the same way as you or do what you want. When we are yelled at, or blamed, we try to explain ourselves. By doing this, we are trying to make the other person agree with us.  When we talk back to someone who is angry, it only ...

By Belinda The other day, when I was talking to my friends from upstairs at work, about better ways to deal with anger, I grabbed my well worn copy of  Diffusing Anger and Avoiding Feeding the Flames   by Margaret Paul, Ph.D., and told them how it helped me. "Read it to me," they each said, and I did, paraphrasing to make it easier to understand for people with developmental disabilities, trying to put it in plain language.  When one man said that some of the words were still too difficult, I promised him that I would try to write the main points in simple words for him--and me. I'm going to have a shot at it here. When people disagree and one is angry, saying ANYTHING will  feed the anger and make it grow. The angry person may say things that make you mad. Now two people are mad. Your own anger grows as you defend yourself and try to control the other person. Both of you are now trying to control the other person's behaviour, feelings or views. When we are ...

By Belinda Psalm 4:4 Amplified Bible (AMP) 4 Be angry [or stand in awe] and sin not; commune with your own hearts upon your beds and be silent (sorry for the things you say in your hearts). Selah [pause, and calmly think of that] ! ( A ) This verse, especially the Amplified Bible version; gives good food for thought. If only I did more of the "pausing" and "calmly thinking," recommended here! A quote by Steven Covey, was mentioned in a training I took recently and it has stuck in my mind. It gives me so much hope in my own struggles and for those of others. “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In those choices lie our growth and our happiness.”  ― Steven Covey I've been trying recently to work through an issue and get my heart into right order--even trying to figure out what "right order is" in the situation. Meanwhile, a couple of the people who live in the...

By Belinda   20-21 God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.    Glory to God in the church!    Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus!    Glory down all the generations!    Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes! ( Ephesians 3:20 , The Message ) I love this verse and The Message paraphrase brings it alive. It's a perfect fit for my thoughts on relationships today. Have you ever noticed how in life partners and friendships we are attracted to personalities that are different to our own? "Opposites attract," so the saying goes, and it is true. We see in that other, something we instinctively admire--something we don't have in the measure he/she does, if at all. But it's not long before the rosy haze wears off and we wonder why our friend/spouse do...

By Belinda Frances broke into the late afternoon busyness of my office, announced by the ring of the telephone. "Hello dear," she said, "I'm just calling to tell you that there's no worship practice tonight." She  went on to explain that there was a forecast of blowing snow, and around here we all know that when wind combines with a snow storm, the roads between Bond Head, Alliston and Tottenham resemble a white version of the Bermuda Triangle. Things vanish and are never seen again. . I couldn't let her go without asking, though, "Did Brian like his pie?" When Brian donated two bushels of apples to The Cause he said with a smile, "I hope I at least get a pie out of this." I was only too happy to oblige, I was so grateful for the apples. And I had entrusted the golden treasure to Frances at church on Sunday morning, to give to him. As I waited, she hesitated, "Well," she said, sounding like she wished I hadn...

by Meg It is a cozy rainy morning here in Muskoka. The G8 summit may be going on, but the mountains and issues in my life have been challenging enough. It feels like I have been in the valley a long time, wondering when the blossoms would show again, and, as Susan said recently, the Bright and Morning Star would shine wonderfully on my path again. I, like Belinda, was at Write! Canada , and, although physically and emotionally very tired, was deeply challenged and inspired by workshops, classes, and the examples of others. I had the satisfaction of helping my husband show off the first volume of his Christian historical novel, The Michmash Chronicles ,of which I was one editor and helped with the cover design, along with my older daughter Sarah, and my younger daughter Rachel turned his sketches into real illustrations. Yet even that meaningful experience was diminished by many shadows in the valley. Most of them were about parenting concerns, helping Rachel decide her next step and wo...

By Belinda It is one of my Mornings at Mum’s . The early morning is quiet; thinking and praying time, of course with the requisite cup of fresh brewed, delicious, black coffee. From where I sit, by the window, my eye travels over a hawthorn covered stone wall; a patch of grass; two gray green, weathered wooden fences, between the roofs of two bungalows, to a bedroom window in a white house. The house was Mum and Dad’s last home together and the bedroom was Dad’s. It was from that room he was taken by paramedics, in December 2002, suffering with the pneumonia from which he never recovered. “Relationship—with God and with people—nothing else matters:” that was the last wisdom that Paul’s dad, a pastor who cared passionately about doctrine, shared with him just before he died in 1986. In comparison to relationship, some of what had seemed so important; wasn’t. It was all very simple in the end. Both of our fathers struggled with relationships, in different ways. I think of that ...

Psalm 139:1-4 (New International Version) 1 O LORD, you have searched meand you know me. 2 You know when I sit and when I rise;you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3 You discern my going out and my lying down;you are familiar with all my ways. 4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD Her husband of forty or so years was doing the talking, but I was watching her. Her subtle response to what he was saying was priceless to observe. I don't remember what he was saying, but I remember every slight shift of her expression.She had no idea that she was being so acutely observed; that I saw her quick glance away as he spoke; the merry twinkle of the eye; the lips pressed together as if to hold back the words that threatened to escape--and the tiniest of smiles. All of them combined to say, "I love that man, but right now he's singing a familiar song that doesn't make as much sense as he thinks it does--and I'm not saying a word." Her response made ...

I've been thinking about how we tend to mix up "presents" with "presence," giving the simple gift of ourselves. On this day we celebrate Emmanuel, "God with us." He came then, and comes now, to be present with us and in us, but we can so easily miss this gift too. When Jesus visited the home of Mary and Martha in Bethany, Mary saw the gift that had come to their home. Martha was so busy and distracted with preparations for her visitor, that she could not enjoy his presence. I want to be better at this; appreciating the presence of others, relaxing in relationship with people and giving my presence to others. I am often distracted and busy with many things. Most of all, of course, I want to enjoy the gift of God's presence in Jesus. What a precious gift that is. Today I wish everyone a very blessed Christmas. Luke 10:40-42 (Amplified Bible) 40But Martha [overly occupied and too busy] was distracted with much serving; and she came up to Him and ...

The house was filled with family, as it often is on Sunday afternoons. But seven year old Stephen was all alone in the den, stretched out in a wing backed recliner, set almost to a horizontal position, watching the hockey game on the big screen TV. He looked like the king of the castle. He could not have looked more satisfied if he were stretched out on a beach in Hawaii. When Paul came in, Stephen looked around the room and said, "Grandad, how did you get all of this stuff?" Paul said, "It took a very long time. And remember Stephen, it is just stuff." His brother and sisters were playing in the next room with their cousins, but Stephen was pondering life and the aquisition of material goods. When Paul told me this story, we laughed at Stephen's curiosity. God has blessed us with a beautiful home; in trust. It is really his. We try to make it a place of welcome and it is a well used house where no one worries too much if things get scratched or broken. Nothing ...

I was on my way to an appointment in the downtown core of the city of Toronto; a place I am more used to seeing in the distant haze on the horizon than at close quarters. My friend Irene had advised taking the subway and so, having parked my car on the rooftop of a multi story car park at the Madison Centre, I found my way, with the help of kind strangers along the way, through the tunnel to the TTC (Toronto Transit Commission) at Yonge and Shepherd. A little breathless from running down the stairs, I was relieved to finally be on the southbound train as it lurched away from the station, along the one of the routes that run like veins from the suburbs to the pulsing heart of the city. As the train zoomed, swaying and rolling through the various stops, to my destination at Yonge and Bloor, I looked with curiosity at my fellow passengers and observed their practiced ability to close themselves off from human contact. I noted the downcast eyes, the studied concentration on a book, or docu...

Exodus 23:30 (New International Version) 30 Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land. In a difficult moment yesterday, even though I felt really badly at the time, instead of reacting in accusation, judgement and emotion, I was able to be calm, pretty quickly understand where the other person was coming from, and not take what they did personally. I had help from a book that I just bought that was relevant to the issue. Thanks to getting some insight last May, and realizing that I have a propensity for trampling boundaries, I was able to recognize that "the issue" belonged to the other person and not to me, and I was also able to focus only on my part, not theirs. I say this not to boast--I know how fatal that would be--but to encourage others. People who have been on the journey with me for a while know that I have my struggles like everyone else. I just feel the need to celebrate good things when they...

Ephesians 5:22-25 (New International Version) 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. I found myself wondering what these verses really mean when I recently re-read the familiar passage. These verses seem oddly old fashioned in this age of equality. I find myself asking; does God really want us to do this; and does it mean that we lay aside our minds and “just submit?” In the hilarious movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, a woman said of her autocratic husband, "He may be the head of the family, but I am the neck and wherever the neck turns, the head goes.” We all laughed! What is it about that statement that is so funny? Is it the thought of the husband thinking he i...

The wind blows over Lake Couchiching on this cold, gray, morning; its distant roar the first sound I hear as I wake in my cozy bed at Geneva Park YMCA Retreat and Leadership Training Centre, where I am for two and a half days of training. In the bathroom, from somewhere nearby I hear skin squeaking against bathtub, and bumping as someone steps out; a shower starts to run, then a hairdryer—the sounds of co-workers in adjoining rooms starting their days. It’s a refreshing break to be here; a time to learn and grow as a large team, but as I open up my Daily Light this morning I am drawn to another place and feel a longing for the day when time loses its meaning and there is no ending. Psalm 27:4 One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. At breakfast I sit with Dennis, Gord, Jon, Janet, Marianne and Carolyn and we soon are engaged in conversation tha...

Ephesians 4:25-27 (New International Version) 25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26"In your anger do not sin" : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold. Why is speaking truthfully such a hard thing to do when something bothers us? Reading these verses in Ephesians 4, I see why it is very important to do so. If we don't speak truthfully and we rationalize that we will address the issue "later," we will let the sun go down while we are still angry, and that in turn will give the devil a foothold. Anger or offence unaddressed, can have some bad results, just as a low grade infection unaddressed in our physical body can. 1. The imagination feeds the offence or anger. Imagination is one of God's most amazing gifts, but when anger fuels fantasy over the perceived faults of others--we can easily become convinced that fantasy is ...

Psalm 139:1-3 (New International Version) For the director of music. Of David. A psalm. 1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. 2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. This morning I'm wondering about the tension between forgiving and offence and letting it go--and the importance of working it through to complete understanding. Forgiveness--God just won't let us off the hook for it--and yet it's a complex business. I read an amazing book by John Bevere years ago, The Bait of Satan. The "bait," is offense. The Enemy can ensnare us and poison us with the toxicity of an offense allowed to fester in a soul. I've bought and given away that book several times, and currently don't have it on my book shelf. I'll be buying it again, for it's a book I find helpful. In the book I'm currently reading, How to Have That Difficult Conver...

Psalm 139:1-4 (New International Version) 1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. 2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. Her husband of forty or so years was doing the talking, but I was watching her. Her subtle response to what he was saying was priceless to observe. I don't remember what he was saying, but I remember every slight shift of her expression. She had no idea that she was being so acutely observed; that I saw her quick glance away as he spoke; the merry twinkle of the eye; the lips pressed together as if to hold back the words that threatened to escape--and the tiniest of smiles. All of them combined to say, "I love that man, but right now he's singing a familiar song that doesn't make as much sense as he thinks it does--and I'm not saying a word." Her response ...