Whatever He Says

I followed my friends out to the sunporch to say goodnight, but before they stepped out into the summer evening, I remembered a funny story. One of them had called me the week before, disturbed by the message on a church sign. But when she told me what it said, I didn't interpret it in the way she did. When I told my husband, Paul, he saw it differently to either of us. Later on, I told my friend Susan about it, and she had yet another take on it the sign. As did her husband, Ron. That 's five different perspectives on an eleven-word sign, which said: If you want holy water, boil the hell out of it The many interpretations of the meaning of the sign illustrate why communication is fraught with potential pitfalls. Our personal filters and many other factors influence what we "hear." Then, the sun-porch became a confessional,  I said that I felt terrible about judging people's words and ideas when they're talking to me. Maybe "evaluating" is a kin...

I blurted it out, shocking myself more, I think, than the person I said it to.   I n all their unadorned honesty the words were out, like marbles  rolling   across the floor--I had asked my friend why she couldn't, "Just be grateful."  The evening was wrapping itself around us like a cloak as we drove back to my home, where her car was parked. She  has had a lot to deal with over a prolonged period of time but  I knew that her sense of  hopelessness was compounded by seeing things at the moment through a lens darkened by weariness. The words had popped out--starkly. I tried to explain what I really meant.  "What you focus on, grows," I said, "gratitude is a powerful focus." I thought of a book that I thought would be helpful, its focus on thankfulness in spite of circumstances-- One Thousand Gifts , by  Ann Voskamp . Before she drove off into the dark night, I promised to get a copy to her. But still I felt dismayed at what I'd said an...