Monday, May 03, 2010

Susan's Psalm

I can't forgive him!  You know I can't!  It's not humanly possible.

But Lord, because I call you "Lord" and because you say I must...  I lay down my arms today.  Not that I ever had a right to carry them... I know that full well, when I think of all that you have forgiven me. 

But Lord, only you know how much hurt was caused.  Only you know how much damage has been done.

If there was something I could do - something you had given me to do, I would do it, Lord. I would confront him if you let me!  It's all so clear to me. Why can't he see it?  He thinks I am the crazy one - that I am the one who lacks understanding!  How can he possibly think that he could be so right when his attitude is so far from your heart of love.  So far... 

I forgive that person, Lord - just as you have forgiven me.  I grit my teeth and forgive him.  And I remember.

I remember just how trustworthy you are.  You always keep your promises.  Every single one.

You are going to bring some good from this, Lord, I know that full well.  The enemy may have meant it for evil, but you will use it for good.  And so...   I bless him, Lord.  I bless him with all my heart.  I pray you bless him too.  Bless his going out and his coming in.  His rising up and his sitting down.  Bless his house with salvation, Lord, and prosper his soul.  Though I would like to march into his heart and straighten it around, dear Lord, I know that I would only wreak havoc there, and do much more damage than good.  And so, dear Lord, even as my own heart is safe within your hands, I entrust his heart to you.

And I will wait. I will wait like a weaned child on his mother's lap.  I will lay my head against your breast and wait.  My pulse slows and peace slides in once more.  I sigh with a groaning too deep for words.  And I lay back to rest in your love.  Your trustworthiness is my secure and peaceful place.

I will wait for your goodness to be revealed, Lord!  It may not be soon.  It may not even be in my lifetime.  But it will surely come. 

I will wait, and I will trust.  And this shall be my theme.

"I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living...

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD."   Psalm 27:  13, 14 KJV


Deidra said...

As we said The Lord's Prayer yesterday in church, one line jumped out at me: "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us." Now that is a tall order. And so often I've said those words in rote fashion, not really pausing to think about what I was asking. Thank God for His patience with us!

Marilyn said...

"Laying down arms"....important choice and step to take. Arms come in so many different forms. Do we recognize the ones we carry?

Thank you for this, Susan.