Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Headlines

Have you noticed that the fine art of attention grabbing headlines has been perfected on our email home pages? I have to admire whoever it is that writes them because they tease with just the tastiest, most interesting, morsel of sensational news--leave you hanging with a question--then wait to reel you in.

For intance:
Man shot twice in two days
Same man shot twice in two different weekend incidents. » What happened?

I mean, who could resist finding out "what happened?"

Well, most of the time, I could, because I try not to get distracted on the way to reading email, which I'm usually doing as a distraction to begin with. But this evening I did take the bait, and I must be feeling punchy after my stressful week last week, because when I read this:

CALGARY (CBC) - A man who was shot on two separate occasions over the weekend is not co-operating with police.

I started laughing. I'm sorry, but there is something very funny in that sentence.

The story continues:
The man was in a car that was hit in a drive-by shooting in the southwest on Friday night. "When police arrived they located a Dodge Stratus vehicle, unoccupied with motor running and lights on with the passenger door wide open," police said in a press release.
A search of the area where the shooting took place failed to find a victim, but two hours later, a man showed up at hospital with wounds to his shoulder and chest.
He was treated and released


The story continues...

On Saturday night the same man walked into a convenience store on Macleod Trail with a fresh bullet wound to his left shoulder. He was taken to hospital in serious but non-life-threatening condition.
"We've asked our homicide investigators to actually help in the investigation only because he obviously is a targeted individual," said Insp. Rob Williams of the Calgary Police Service. "But he's not being co-operative with us at all and wants nothing to do with police or our assistance.
"At this point he is a victim and we can't force him to follow any of our advice."


I can't help it, I find so many of the lines in the story funny: "We've asked our homicide investigators to actually help in the investigation." I mean, as opposed to doing what?

Well, now you know the truth, I have a warped sense of humour. It is prone to strike at odd moments like tonight, and it is a mercy when I am sitting quietly at home and not in a meeting when it happens. I have memories of standing in a washroom, having left a meeting to compose myself, only to burst into laughter again every time I caught sight of my eyes, wet with tears, in the mirror. And if I had to explain what struck me as so funny, I would expect eyes that pitied and thought I'd lost my marbles, which quite possibly I have.

Meanwhile, I've been wondering if we couldn't use this tantalizing technique for church signs:

"Man swallowed by giant fish--find out why."

To those who don't know the story, it might just be enough to spark their curiosity.

And I do feel sorry for the poor man in the newspaper story. That was a very bad weekend.

4 comments:

Susan said...

Ha, ha, ha!!!

I read through this entire post thinking all the while I was on Chewing the Fat. I thought I had hit the button to take me to "Whatever He Says", but by the second or third sentence in, I "knew" I was reading one of Dave's posts... Couldn't be Belinda.

Isn't that FUNNY???

You caught me totally by surprise this time, even though I, too, have often been in on your warped-ness! :)

Belinda said...

Nope, it is me all right. Well, the truth is out. :)

Dave Hingsburger said...

Woman Eats Apple: More at 11

Belinda said...

Hey Dave, Ha ha! This could be fun. :) Another reader, Michelle, sent me this one via email:
"Old man and family survive “Minnowesque” type adventure; find out what made them do it!"