Have you noticed that the fine art of attention grabbing headlines has been perfected on our email home pages? I have to admire whoever it is that writes them because they tease with just the tastiest, most interesting, morsel of sensational news--leave you hanging with a question--then wait to reel you in.
Man shot twice in two days
Same man shot twice in two different weekend incidents. » What happened?
I mean, who could resist finding out "what happened?"
Well, most of the time, I could, because I try not to get distracted on the way to reading email, which I'm usually doing as a distraction to begin with. But this evening I did take the bait, and I must be feeling punchy after my stressful week last week, because when I read this:
CALGARY (CBC) - A man who was shot on two separate occasions over the weekend is not co-operating with police.
I started laughing. I'm sorry, but there is something very funny in that sentence.
The story continues:
The man was in a car that was hit in a drive-by shooting in the southwest on Friday night. "When police arrived they located a Dodge Stratus vehicle, unoccupied with motor running and lights on with the passenger door wide open," police said in a press release.
A search of the area where the shooting took place failed to find a victim, but two hours later, a man showed up at hospital with wounds to his shoulder and chest.
He was treated and released
The story continues...
On Saturday night the same man walked into a convenience store on Macleod Trail with a fresh bullet wound to his left shoulder. He was taken to hospital in serious but non-life-threatening condition.
"We've asked our homicide investigators to actually help in the investigation only because he obviously is a targeted individual," said Insp. Rob Williams of the Calgary Police Service. "But he's not being co-operative with us at all and wants nothing to do with police or our assistance.
"At this point he is a victim and we can't force him to follow any of our advice."
I can't help it, I find so many of the lines in the story funny: "We've asked our homicide investigators to actually help in the investigation." I mean, as opposed to doing what?
Well, now you know the truth, I have a warped sense of humour. It is prone to strike at odd moments like tonight, and it is a mercy when I am sitting quietly at home and not in a meeting when it happens. I have memories of standing in a washroom, having left a meeting to compose myself, only to burst into laughter again every time I caught sight of my eyes, wet with tears, in the mirror. And if I had to explain what struck me as so funny, I would expect eyes that pitied and thought I'd lost my marbles, which quite possibly I have.
Meanwhile, I've been wondering if we couldn't use this tantalizing technique for church signs:
"Man swallowed by giant fish--find out why."
To those who don't know the story, it might just be enough to spark their curiosity.
And I do feel sorry for the poor man in the newspaper story. That was a very bad weekend.